Leaning forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies

I went through the motions of leaving my apartment, saying goodbye to my closest Aussie friends, and sitting at the airport and through the whole 15 hour flight home, with none of it feeling real until I landed and was back on the other side of the Pacific. Doug--the boy who waited with me at LAX to send me off to Australia--was the same exact boy waiting for me at LAX upon my arrival. At least there was a familiar face to greet me- something I could start getting used to again! 

Ridiculously delusional and jet lagged, I remember walking out to Doug's car from the International Terminal, and without realizing it, I waited for Doug to let me into his car on the left side of the car--the side that would have been the passenger's side of the car in Australia, but was the driver's side in the U.S. The realization of that little mistake finally triggered my first few tears about leaving Australia. In that moment, I was finally having to face the fact that "home," the place that should be the epitome of comfort and familiarity, was now the foreign land I was going to have to start anew in.

There were some weird changes to get used to being back in the US and jumping from Summer into Winter, but after lots of hugs from family and lifelong friends, a belly full of In-n-Out, and seeing my childhood house glowing with Christmas lights, "home" began to slowly feel more and more like home again. 

I believe this quote by Kerouac best describes the juxtaposition of all my feelings about my year in Australia coming to a close: my sadness and shock of leaving Australia, and then that moment you just accept that one chapter of your life has closed and another one is opening whether you like it or not, and now the excitement I feel for the new life changes and adventures to come.

"What is the feeling when you’re driving away from people, and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? It is the too huge world vaulting us, and its goodbye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies." 

I am sitting here writing this reflective blog post 10 weeks later now, and I must admit I still feel unsettled, unsure, and uncertain about life and being back here at times. I am working hard to find the job that will lead me to the career of my dreams, and I am working hard at trying to figure out where I want to be and where I fit into this big world; but despite the uneasiness of right now, I am EXCITEDLY "lean[ing] forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies," knowing I have grown and learned so much all because of my "year in Brisbane, Australia."